It took me two divorces to learn to fight fair and not shut down and push love away. I now have a wonderful loving relationship and celebrated my seventeenth anniversary on Valentine's Day. Follow tools that took me over forty years to acquire-and recapture your passion, romance, and love.

What do you do when you feel hurt and your mate is pushing your buttons? I learned to shut down and go into my cave. John Gray's best seller Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus says that this is the man's role, but I found myself in my cave before I knew I had reacted. This is not a healthy way to deal with conflict and it won't get you the love you want. These three steps empower you to heat up your bedroom and recapture passion, and romance.

1. Make love a priority and give up your old habits. In order to stay in control of your habits and your emotions you must stay present, and be conscious of your learned behaviors and reactions.

2. Create a vision of what you want. Once you know what you want you are empowered to build a foundation to support it.

3. Spend fifteen minutes a day focusing on what you love about your mate. Remember the fun and the good times and develop a habit of releasing the things that bug you.

4. Make your own happiness and growth a priority. You cannot be happy with someone else until you learn to be happy yourself.

5. Stay current with your emotions. A pot that builds up heat will eventually explode. Let the steam off often and learn to vent your emotions in a gentle and loving way.